PracticalGargoyle

> NAME
Your name is Tesque Rouene and you don't go out much these days. Not since that ugliness a sweep and a half back.

You used to go TREASURE HUNTING with your friends. You also liked to COLLECT VARIOUS SHINY OBJECTS to display around your hive, which is CLUTTERED WITH USELESS JUNK by now. Not to mention your OBSESSION with TRAVELING. You were determined to see THE WHOLE OF ALTERNIA, and ALL THE OTHER WORLDS OF THE EMPIRE TOO. That... that didn't end up happening.

It's okay, though! You're STILL GONNA DO THAT, just... inside. From the safety of your respiteblock. You go TRAVELING and TREASURE HUNTING and HOARDING in your online games! Rarely, you'll even GROUP UP WITH SOMEBODY, a shocking event indeed. You're actually PRETTY WELL KNOWN for what you can do solo in these games, which makes you EVEN LESS inclined to go outside. You'd have to disappoint all these people looking to hear about the next big thing you've done! You can't do that.

> ROOM
Your hive is MOSTLY CLEAN, which is more than you can say for JUST ABOUT ANY OTHER TROLL. This is probably because you're NATURALLY CLEAN and spend the majority of your time indoors. All your time, if you can help it. Sure, you've piled USELESS JUNK on every surface, but it's YOUR USELESS JUNK and it's sorted according to a very precise method!

Honestly, you've NEVER USED MOST OF THIS STUFF, but it always seemed like a REALLY GOOD DEAL when you ran across it online. Why you have a full collection of commemorative plates for Thresh Prince when you've never watched the show is a question for lesser trolls- the important part is that you have it, and it looks nice on display. You LAUGH AT PICTURES OF RESPITEBLOCK WALLS COVERED IN NARUTROLL MEMORABILIA and you DON'T EVEN SEE A HINT OF IRONY THERE. Nobody ever said you were smart.

YOUR LUSUS seems to think you are, though, and he BRINGS IN ALL THE FOOD so he must know something. Anyone up to braving the OUTSIDE WORLD is deserving of respect. You will would be very upset if something ever happened to him, which it definitely will will thankfully never be a thing you have to worry about!

> STRIFE
Your RADIATORKIND specibus is AMAZINGLY USELESS, because it BURNS THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR HANDS. You just pick up a radiator and GET SWINGING. On the plus side, it's PRETTY GODDAMN DEADLY- you're not a bad fighter, and these things are RIDICULOUSLY HEAVY. A good swing is guaranteed to BREAK SOME BONES at the very least. If you could STAND USING IT for more than thirty seconds at a time, you'd be A WRECKING MACHINE. Instead, you settle for being a pathetic shut-in. Oh well.

You also have a CLEAVAGEKIND card you picked up real cheap. You don't actually have any, though, so it sort of mystifies you. Huh.

> MODUS
Your FINALE MODUS requires you to FINISH SOMETHING RELATED to retrieve an object. You keep A BUNCH OF CROSSWORD PUZZLES on hand, ALMOST completed, with some related words near completion. This DOESN'T PARTICULARLY HELP when you want to fetch something too obscure or too common, or anything that simply hasn't come up in a recent puzzle, or was in one you've already finished. Sure, if you want your SHOES out, you COULD finish a 100 METER DASH or something, but YOUR HIVE ISN'T BIG ENOUGH TO ACCOMMODATE THAT. You're POSITIVE the crosswords will work FOREVER, and you will be able to remain safely within your hive.

> POWERS
You have TWO AMAZING POWERS which... which aren't so amazing, really.

Your first psychic ability is to SENSE WHEN OTHERS ARE LOOKING AT YOU. If you weren't already socially awkward, you could EASILY BLAME THIS. It's useful for things like sneaking around like the creep you are brief forays out of your hive, and it's PRETTY USEFUL in combination with your other power. Unfortunately, it's EASILY THWARTED- you can only tell if someone is LOOKING DIRECTLY AT YOU. You can tell someone's watching you through BINOCULARS or perhaps a GUN'S SCOPE, but if they do something as simple as OBSERVING YOUR REFLECTION IN A MIRROR, you can't tell you're being watched. This makes you VERY NERVOUS sometimes.

And when you're VERY NERVOUS, UPSET or DISTRESSED your other power kicks in ON ITS OWN. Well, maybe it's more of an anxiety disorder- your muscles lock up, leaving you ABSOLUTELY STILL and inspiring your trolltag. It's not like you were going anywhere anyway, of course, because it also BLINDS AND DEAFENS you until you've calmed down. This is a PISS-POOR SURVIVAL TRAIT and is one of the reasons you rarely leave your hive- it's pretty much guaranteed to get you KILLED, one way or another.

Luckily, with your poor understanding of physics thought-experiments brought on by shoddy explanations from other trolls, you're pretty sure that IF YOU CAN'T SEE OR HEAR IT, it has TEMPORARILY STOPPED EXISTING. Knowing that there's NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF usually calms you down quite quickly!

Until you open your eyes again, anyway.